6/28/09 - BILLY MAYS HERE TELLING YOU GUYS THAT HOLY FUCK I'M DEAD! BUT MAKE SURE TO ENJOY JOHN'S WEBSITE!

6/25/09 - Hey guys, it's me, Michael Jackson, the king of young cock, just telling you that John here can burn in hell along side of me because he's about ten years too old for my liking. You guys are all ignorant.

6/7/09 - Good God damn I'm really fucking bored with my life and not having any money. Whore my round pale body out anyone?

5/25/09 - Happy whichever holiday I can't remember already. I'm just happy to be getting paid for my job for the first time in months today.

5/17/09 - Seriously, can you people find something better to do with your lives than protest everything and shit? What I'd give to have a grenade launcher for every rally that I see.

4/16/09 - Hey I can fix the economy really easy so you all shut the fuck up about it. Make anyone who makes over 10 million dollars a year kill themselves. If that doesn't work, kill them for us.

4/8/09 - Hey Jay Leno, shut the fuck up tonight. Do you know how I know the economy is getting bad? Because you're not worth the plane ticket or bullet to get rid of. Go ahead make another Detroit Lions joke. It's only 4 months after football season.

3/18/09 - This website has been a total fail lately. No views, no comments, etc. Maybe I should update more. Maybe.

2/8/09 - It's a busy February so don't expect a whole lot from me. Lots of good shows and stuff coming up.

1/21/09 - Still haven't touched McDonalds this calendar year, which is actually driving me fucking insane. It's going to be a pretty amazing year it sure does look like. How often do I say that? Concerts are looking up, so is my sanity.

1/1/09 - Look, it's another year about to get pissed away! One year closer to being senile enough to expose myself to adults and fling my feces at children. Hurry the fuck up that day. Oh yeah, this box just got bigger. Take that as my first change of the New Year.

11/28/08 - Another Day, Another Update. Actually, I noticed it's been like 50 days since an update. Been way too busy pissing my life away I guess. I'm starting to doubt this being worth 13 dollars a month. I would say because I have no visitors but it doesn't help when I'm too lazy to start writing too.

10/11/08 - Yahoo has changed my web service. And they can shove it up their fucking ass. A few of the opening bands I saw in 2007 are not listed anymore because that got missing in transfer and I can't possibly remember all of them.

10/1/08 - Lots of changes on the horizon for me. Not sure where to begin anymore.

9/12/08 - Judging by all of these commercials, I'd make a badass fucking televangelist. Just think about the ratings and the strippers dressed like nuns.

9/4/08 - Football season is back. Time to neglect your children, steal from your boss to buy beer, gamble away your grocery money, and beat the shit out of your wife when your beloved Cowboys lose.

8/23/08 - Sure has taken a long time to update this. It's been a busy month and a half. Since the last update, my website now costs me $13 a month so that it can get an average of 31 views a month. Fucking amazing.

7/3/08 - Insert witty (go fuck yourself) comment here. Kind of hard to keep getting motivated for nothing anymore. Writings might start picking up again soon.

6/21/08 - This just in... My website is worth $146 if I were to sell it. So at $9 a month for the past I dunno 60 months, I got a real fucking bargain.

6/4/08 - If only I had people who actually visited this site anymore I'd apologize for the complete lack of updating. Until then, I'm just talking to myself.

5/22/08 - I just wanted to take some time out of my busy life to congratulate Edward Kennedy for his brain tumor. It is the first thing that has been in his head for almost fifty years now. And he of all people should be able to drown it and forget all about it anyways.

5/1/08 - Well 1/3 of the glass has been emptied. That's the optimists way of looking at this year. To say that the glass is 2/3 full means you sure have a whole hell of a lot more going on for yourself than I do.

3/30/08 - Who the fuck knew a human being could survive for weeks with no motivation aside from food and college basketball? I have just learned this about myself seeing that there is really nothing else at the moment worth a fuck. The music industry is in the toilet as is the rest of television and the economy. Glad to know that the dollar I work my ass off for is worth less than the 8 cents a day that Indonesians make for sewing my sneakers together.

3/10/08 - I wish they made a drug that could make me as numb and oblivious to the rest of the world as so many people can do without even trying.

2/24/08 - The Oscars are tonight. I can't wait to find those cool little statues on eBay as washed up actors sell off their prized possessions for cocaine and fourteen year old Malaysian prostitutes. As Christopher Moore would say, I am a Beta male. I thorougly enjoy watching the Alpha males fail for this reason. Nothing feels better than saying "I told you so."

2/2/08 - I still have nothing good to say. One of these days though I will.

1/1/08 - I complained that October and November sucked before. Well December kicked both of their asses. R.I.P. Thor, you were one badass motherfucking dog for 11 years. And for the time being I'm out of work with a bad back. I never thought I'd say that I missed work before. Here's to 2008 being somewhat better than 2007.

11/10/07 - After tooth problems, eye problems, travel problems, work problems, and money problems, I'm back to bitch and moan some more. October sucked and November is starting off worse. And the holidays will be the topper.

10/15/07 - Apparently idle hands are the devil's workshop. And I've gotten everything in my life done that I haven't really wanted to lately except for updating the website. One of these days... P.S. Life sucks.

9/13/07 - I get bored a lot. One of these days when I get bored enough look for some subtle changes on the site.

8/26/07 - God this world is overflowing with news so much that I can't even keep up with my own website. I'm too worried about the questions haunting me about everybody else. Is Merv Griffin having Gay sex in heaven? Will Lindsey Lohan please have gay sex in rehab and videotape it? Did Michael Vick have gay sex with the dogs and that's the big secret that he's hiding? Will the NAACP accuse Hurricane Katrina of being racist two years later as their people are still completely uncapable of getting the fuck over the past? Good thing the NAACP had nothing to do with bridge collapses or coal mines. Instead we will wait for them to say the reason Obama isn't elected is because of racial intolerance. They'll never figure out that they are just all stupid and that's the reason we hate them.

7/19/07 - Two new writings in a week?! I must be really bored or really frustrated. Or both I guess.

7/9/07 - I know this doesn't really belong here but I'd just like to say that nobody needs to tell me how to run my life or what to do in my life if they aren't qualified to do so. Shit has been crazy for the past two months now and there is absolutely nothing more irritating than listening to a 16 year old without a job tell you how to save money or a drug addict tell me I'm not going about things the right way. So I'm open for suggestions Bill Gates, otherwise don't waste your effort and my time unless you can provide something vaguely useful.