I will not live to make you happy,
I can at best only live for myself.
It feels like you are on my chest,
Hoping that I will never get away.
Crosshairs locked directly on me,
Is this not already just like hell,
I’m all but out of sins to confess,
And running out of hearts to break.
A gun is cocked, loaded and steady,
Is it your gun or is this one mine,
Will one of us ever pull the trigger,
Or will this be a standoff forever?
No matter the outcome I am ready,
I’ve willingly served all of my time,
And looking back I can only figure,
A change is better late than never.
Drugs can’t fix the mess I’ve made,
Apparently nothing at all will help,
Hindsight is my own worst enemy,
And contradiction is my new name.
It’s not about how much I can take,
It is all about how much I can sell,
I’m too tired, too lazy to breathe,
What is there to live for anyway?
It’s safe to look down but not up,
I am shallow, so is my existence,
The sun shines before the storm,
Long enough to tease me yet again.
Losing all hope is my only crutch,
I haven’t wanted to be alive since,
I saw how little all of this is worth,
Somewhere around the age of ten.
The difference in wrong and right,
Is like comparing orange to yellow,
Which shouldn’t be such a big deal,
Except that I think I’m color blind.
My past is out of mind out of sight,
I try to forget all that I’ve known,
Since I am far too frigid to feel,
The remorse for living a giant lie.
Since money does buy happiness,
And I don’t know how that feels,
Is the feeling anything like living,
In a box office smash fairy tale?
Ignorance and arrogance are bliss,
Bullets and blood don’t seem real,
The good guys are always forgiven,
And bad guys die miserably in jail.
If I could just get up one morning,
As a new person in an all new place,
And forget the legacy I never made,
Don’t you think that I would do it?
I agree with you, my life is a waste,
But it’s not easy to make a change,
Or else I’d do it, if I had a way,
To click my heels and go to Kansas.