All I can do some days is shake my head,
And wonder what I keep waking up for.
I’d much rather lay unconscious in bed,
Than lose another daily fight in this war.
My body is worn out in a third of a life,
My hangovers no longer require drinking,
This pain will cease one of these nights,
I can only paddle so long before sinking.
Does everyone have to suffer like I do,
Or am I the only one who feels this way?
All of the agony I’ve put myself through,
Only to be left out for dead in the rain.
Happiness and optimism are getting lonely,
And I won’t get to see them anytime soon.
You should see that you’re not an anomaly,
And you can’t see the martyr in this room.
I am a million mortal sins past my salvation,
But on days like this I will still be praying.
I carry more burdens than an entire nation,
And need to sleep at night as I’m decaying.
What is supposed to be the right solution?
I only hear a million wrong answers a day.
I’ve been littered with emotional pollution,
Should I even care what these voices say?
It seems I’m rising from the depths of hell,
Just gasping for one single hint of relief,
Until twenty more demons pull at my belt,
Leaving me here beaten down and empty.
Maybe it is just easier to run from it all,
Since I’ve never been a fan of adversity.
I will assume the fighting is all my fault,
And continue to let anger build up in me.
I’ve been stretching myself far too thin,
And giving all too much of myself away.
What do I receive for all of this giving,
Other than loads of your built up hate?
There are enough problems of my own,
To keep me occupied for seventy years,
Questioning everything I’ve ever known,
Doesn’t help disspell any of these fears.
I’ve lost all of the fight in me for good,
It’s not a battle worth fighting anymore,
I would rewrite my entire life if I could,
But I’d fail again as I have done before.