My head is hung down in shame again,
I know you’re fucking sick of hearing it,
And I’m tired of burdening my friends,
They’re supposed to be my reason to live.
In a perfect world there would be no me,
Then everything could revolve around you.
That’s the meaning of perfect apparently,
I only hurt you when I tell you the truth.
Tired of kicking over these rocks daily,
Looking for a meaning to this wasted life,
I’ve been trying oh so hard, yet failing,
Maybe in a future life I’ll make it right.
I’ve poured my heart into a million cups,
Baskets I put my eggs in are everywhere,
I feel like I will never again be enough,
To ever satisfy somebody that did care.
I can’t keep nibbling the end of a gun,
And smiling it all off the very next day,
When my trigger finger is the only one,
Who feels like I have a reason to stay.
I now confide in anyone who will listen,
Their words of wisdom are always shit,
But I keep coming back for permission,
To give me a little bit more of their gift.
My hopes and dreams, I thought I knew,
I also thought I could deal with the pain,
Now my perception on life is all skewed,
All I have to show for anything is shame.
I have completely lost touch with reality,
The only thing I once had a firm grip on,
Every route I have chosen is incomplete,
Every day another dream I have is gone.
I keep traveling these one way streets,
Hoping someone will meet me at the end,
I am only met with the taste of defeat,
And a rundown of my actions to defend.
I’m tired of taking it all out on myself,
When nobody else will admit any fault,
I have gone as far as pleading for help,
But obviously it hasn’t gotten me very far.
I’ve blown thousands and wasted weeks,
On too many imaginary people in my past,
I try to nail down memories when I sleep,
And pray that the next one will be the last.
I changed from caring and loving one day,
When I found nobody actually wanted that,
Now you point the finger to call me insane,
When you too erased and rewrote my past.
Until now I never had to make any excuses,
I was a perfectly capable individual usually,
I stood firm even through all of the abuse,
Even brand new feelings used to affect me.
I feel like I am used when I am convenient,
Take away as little or as much as you need,
When I can’t do better with the hand given,
You’ll know exactly right where to find me.
I just want a return on the respect I show,
Loving only an idea rips my heart to shreds,
I question my feelings everywhere that I go,
I’ve been undyingly loyal and I give my best.
Breaking your heart breaks mine tenfold,
I walk on eggshells to prevent that everyday,
But nothing in this world will hurt me more,
Than seeing your heart is merely a charade.