All these things we do to get ourselves high,
For one more hour, for the rest of the night,
Are decaying our minds, destroying our lives,
Not knowing if it’s worth all of the sacrifice.
If idols can survive one short trip at a time,
A simple question arises of why couldn’t I?
Everyone that I don’t know yet is abusing it,
Giving me a kind of newly found confidence.
It is not a want, it is not desire, it is a need,
Even if I’m labeled a failure when I succeed.
Lines on a table are as pronounced and wide,
As the veins bulging from my bloodshot eyes.
It’s still not enough to make me want to quit,
Of all the vices I could pick this had to be it.
I can’t stop this, I promise it’s not my fault,
I don’t wanna die, I don’t wanna be caught.
This addiction is insurmountable in my mind,
If nothing else is satisfying that I can find.
Abandonment found me before I found you,
I would’ve never asked for a life of recluse.
Happiness should not be something I ingest,
It also should not make you love me any less.
I hate myself for it more than anything else,
Not having a soul to give away muchless sell.
The days keep getting shorter as they pass,
I never thought I could kill myself this fast.
I am tired of measuring my love by the gram,
I hate drugs, I hate my life, I hate who I am.
I am no better, only much worse than anyone,
Only a worthless shell of myself I’ve become.