I do not want to feel this way,
And it’s all beyond my control,
All bad things can’t be changed,
So what am I even bothering for?
I’ve been dreaming of the most,
Insincere way of ending my life,
Since the only ones I love know,
Something about me is not right.
If I cannot affect the outcome,
Of the simplest, smallest things,
What makes me believe I am one,
To handle anything life brings?
I choked on a barrel of freedom,
On one too many agonizing days,
Wishing I could live to see them,
To witness the look on their face.
I know death is not the solution,
To all these problems I withstand,
But it erases all of the confusion,
Of rhetorical life I misunderstand.
The soil deep within me is salted,
So nothing organic will ever grow,
I’m sick of searching for fault in,
Everything beautiful I don’t know.
I hypothetically opened my wrists,
To see if I even felt pain anymore,
It seemed to be very little solace,
And I still feel absent and unsure.
Release me from this hell of mine,
I have come to live with my fate,
And I’ll repent and serve my time,
Even if I die, nothing will change.