I’ve been asking myself for a reason to go on,
For so many years now that it repulses me,
I’ve been erased from so many other memories,
That I can only erase my own to make it alright.
I’ve been questioning and denying God so long,
While my faith remains unfulfilled and empty,
How many years must a man live on his knees,
Until he may witness a glimpse of the light?
Looking for a paper that will hold this ink,
Without washing away like mascara in the rain,
So I can pour my heart on paper one final time,
To a group of friends that don’t really exist.
I can feel my heart rate beginning to sink,
As my body voids itself of a lifetime of pain,
I take God’s apathy as an overwhelming sign,
That the world does not care if I ever lived.
Burning everything that I ever held sacred,
As I keep rinsing my hands under the sink,
I want to die with a clean slate and dignity,
Since I haven’t had either since I was born.
Tonight I’m sober and I’m completely lucid,
Which makes it impossible to resist the drink,
That assures me a quick, painless end to agony,
Because I don’t want to play this game anymore.