This raw emotion is absolute pain,
All these years, nothing’s changed.
Heartfelt apologies feel so empty,
Cannot fix what is wrong with me.
I long to be everything that I’m not,
This pen and paper are all I’ve got.
I’m out of words, I’m out of ways,
To expose to you, that I’m not okay.
I’m tired of bleeding in black ink,
Because I’m far too weak to think,
Of the proper way to expess this,
Feeling that I must overcome to live.
There are only so many remedies,
For my total inability to be happy.
The medication is unfulfilling when,
Absolute pain is all I get in the end.
I have years of regret mixed with,
Miles of completely empty promises.
Dissect me, I have nothing to hide,
I have never felt this empty inside,
Lay me on the table to decompose,
To again suffer under your nose.
Of course for me it’s nothing new,
I’m still here rotting I assure you.
Those eyes are still hovering over,
Watching me dig lower and lower,
They see where I’ve been before,
And the early grave I have in store.
I don’t want to blame anyone else,
For the hand that I’ve been dealt,
I only wish that they could know,
This absolute pain I cannot cope.
I see the faces, I read the names,
But I’d rather just hide my shame,
Since I still cannot bear my soul,
To the best friends in the world.
I hear their voice and only cringe,
There is no concept of suffering,
Only broad guidelines of symptoms,
I am not even close to fitting in.
I have lost definition to humanity,
Another number, another tragedy,
Explaining it is getting pretty old,
After a million times it’s been told.
Empty hallways all leading nowhere,
This is the story of my life, I swear.
I guess I’m just mentally deranged,
Everything I know is absolute pain.