Unopened doors sway in the wind,
Just so they can slam in my face,
Going nowhere, I feel like nothing,
More than a God damned disgrace.
I don’t need a constant reminder,
Of how meaningless my existence is,
I was put here to obey and serve,
Unlike those who can love and live.
I’ve tried to block so many things,
From my mind just to sleep at night,
So many emotions I’ve been saving,
Just to live to see the morning light.
Skeletons have been overflowing,
And there is nothing left to hide,
I only hurt others by them knowing,
How the anguish eats at my insides.
The pictures hanging on the walls,
Don’t remind me of a better time,
Who’d remember me? No one at all,
So says any evidence I could find.
My memories intertwine with pain,
And nobody else has understood,
They tell me they all feel the same,
Oh, how I wish they fucking could.
My character flaws compile as one,
Nobody even knows where to begin,
I too cringe at what I have become,
Closed mind with a heart wide open.
It’s so hard to see anyone as real,
Like I’m stuck in a giant bad dream,
The anger and betrayal I now feel,
Cannot be as painful as it seems.
I recognize how badly I have failed,
Everyone who ever crossed my path,
My apologies have gotten so stale,
“I’m sorry” is finished with a laugh.
I do not mean to disappoint you,
Knowing it’s all that I’ve ever done,
I’ll never be good enough to prove,
I deserve to be treated like someone.
Gentle footsteps, light as piano keys,
Just trying not to alter the future,
In another life I only hope to be,
Meaningful enough to feel secure.
I struggle to stay alive almost daily,
Alas, I must laugh that off as well,
Breathing is all that hasn’t failed me,
Who knew there was oxygen in hell?
There is no turning around anymore,
The past will always remain the past,
I didn’t enjoy being there before,
My next step is going to be my last.
I’m fifty feet from falling and I am,
Still begging for forgiveness from,
Anyone who possibly gives a damn,
To rescue me from who I’ve become.
I walked down these rocky roads,
To arrive at a bridge I’ve burned,
I’ll hit rock bottom, who will notice?
God forbid they ever show concern.
As long as the scars are out of sight,
It will probably never make sense,
I never wanted to give up the fight,
Nor spend decades trying to repent.
Apathy must make the pain go away,
Or at least leave the burden to me.
If this is why I wake up everyday,
Dear God, put me out of my misery.