V. The Open Door

Grabbing onto his hand like a child,
Too young to know left from right,
Not sure if I am okay or in denial,
A snap of his fingers brings new light.
I feel like I’m falling from a cliff,
Only the air would hear my scream,
Falling so far that I would die if,
I didn’t wake up from the dream.
Pinching myself as the only test,
I know of to find out if this is real,
Grabbed a fold of skin on my chest,
It hurt more than I wanted to feel.
Walking in a valley with a stranger,
With miles of canyon on either side,
I would think my life was in danger,
If I wasn’t convinced I already died.
Any breeze we had is notably absent,
We only have echoes of our footsteps,
If nothing else I was finally convinced,
After we didn’t plunge to our deaths.
I sat next to him on a rock for two,
He pulled out two cigars and a light,
I never smoked but I guess now I do,
My will power isn’t even up for a fight.
Haven’t seen a living thing in miles,
Except for a stray cockroach once,
I choke on the cigar, he just smiles,
The smoke rises up and kills the sun.
Cliff walls resonate like speakers,
To the shaking sound of a stampede,
The sound gradually grows weaker,
Ten million shadows are all I can see.

VI. The Speech

“Now take a guess where you are son,
Yeah you guessed it, welcome to hell.
It only consists of your imagination,
You’ve been here twenty years yourself.”
I shrugged my shoulders and paced,
Looking for a shadow representing me,
“You’re only a sheep in the human race,
Been here since you learned to believe.”
“You see I am not that bad of a guy,
I reside somewhere inside of you all,
Everybody meets me when they die,
Which is only when I answer their call.”
“Isn’t that how you met me today son?”
I nodded my head again in agreement,
“I don’t expect you to beg for salvation,
An’ I ain’t here to heal no Goddamn sins!”
His eyes lit up red in presumable fury,
I stood there unsure of what I’ve done,
“It will all make sense soon, don’t worry,
You are just a fucking weakling son.”
“Love, ha, haven’t you learned by now?
It’s just there to let down your guard,
Meant to let your inner demons out,
And finish a job I’ve already started.”
“Everybody has an agenda you know,
I see you’ve already learned that much,
Your friends, they come and they go,
But know that inside you are all nuts.”
“Religion was created on ideals of misery,
You waste your time on omens and signs.”
I was about to raise my voice to agree,
Before he interjected one last time,
“I fear you know too much now my son,
And I have a tough decision to make.
Do I let you return as the chosen one?
Or now that you’re here should you stay?”

VII. The Decision

“I know you sold your soul to meet me,
The question is, do I owe you anything?
Do you want to be alive, much less free?
Oh, what the fuck am I saying?”
“Betcha had a good ol’ time down here,
And you can’t wait to do it for eternity,
I promise you’ll never shed another tear,
I also assure you will never be happy.”
“I should have left you for the birds,
And you would assume nobody hears you,
You mortals all seem to put faith first,
Common sense is the number one rule.”
“Who were you trying to fool anyhow?
You left home intending to end it all,
Without me you’d be decayed by now,
You’re a coward with no set of balls!”
“Do you think God would have cared?
You think you’re worthy of heaven too?”
I began to answer and he just stared,
He knows my words before my lips move.
“No, no, I feel I would have met you soon,
Under different circumstances I guess,
Figured I would be found dead in a room,
Self-inflicted gunshot wound to the chest.”
“You’ve opened my eyes to a lot of things,
Except for a reason I should stay alive,
Unless I’m a glutton for pain and suffering,
You might as well leave me here to die.”
He picked me up by the neck to eye level,
And proceeded to spit directly in my face,
“You often forget I am the fucking devil,
However you are no more than a waste!”
I made a squeak at him at the very best,
Before he threw me into the cliff wall,
“Failure, my son, is your only success,
Get your sorry ass up, fucking stand tall.”

VIII. The Journey

I woke up to find myself in a green field,
All four corners surrounded by trees,
My skin once again burned and peeled,
No sun or heat yet, but also no breeze.
It looks like a backdrop from a movie,
No other living things except for myself,
Acres of serenity as far as I can see,
Just absolute silence in a quest for help.
Motioning both of my hands like a mime,
Trying to escape from imaginary bounds,
Looking high and low for any kind of sign,
Or anything to get me the fuck out.
Found hope behind one evergreen tree,
A white picket fence ten miles high,
Carved in it was a note specifically to me,
“Here’s the green grass on the other side.”
Bewildered as to what that could mean,
I just screamed at the top of my lungs,
And cursed everything from sun to sea,
Until I spotted a rabbit hole with a gun.
I picked it up not knowing if I’d need it,
But figured it’d be handy just in case,
A dry crack in my hand began to split,
Grimaces of pain reappear on my face.
Still oblivious to my current location,
I only know this is somewhere better,
Could this be one’s final destination?
Or a P.S. at the end of my life’s letter?
I begin to dig with my broken hands,
To crawl below the unclimbable fence,
Twenty feet of soil mixed with sand,
To find out this footer has no end.
One more idea I must have overlooked,
I gather rocks and sticks for a fire,
And finish with a burned pile of soot,
A curse from Satan himself I compile.
I walk to the spring for some water,
At least he’s not entirely merciless,
Laughs rise from my hole at the footer,
From very familiar voices I must admit.

IX. The Final Answer

The sounds of all of my loved ones,
From the past until the present day,
Laughing, screaming and having fun,
Everything else just sounds the same.
I hear a familiar family happily united,
A decade after supposedly going awry,
With no wedge keeping them divided,
All in a relationship not built on hate.
I hear the voices of every poor soul,
That I’ve given myself to at one time,
All in love with somebody meaningful,
Minus the heartbreak and the crying.
I witness my friends now with a life,
Experiencing simple joys they missed,
Going to sleep with a smile at night,
Not being around someone meaningless.
It still just doesn’t make any sense,
Everyone in my life is finally happy,
I know somewhere beyond the fence,
They are much better off without me.
“Where am I? I know you’re listening!”
I exclaimed loudly into the lifeless air,
A wind beyond the trees began whistling,
And I was instantly filled with despair.
A handwritten note blew to my feet,
The top of the paper partially torn,
‘The greener pastures that you seek,
Is a life in which you were never born.
Hope this brings some sort of closure,
And you successfully choose your fate,
I’m so glad you kept your composure,
And we had such a lovely little date.
This is the truth that I wanted to tell,
But we were way too busy reminiscing,
Understandably nobody takes it well,
Knowing nobody cares if you’re missing.
You needed drastic measures to realize.
P.S. I know you already found the gun.’
I pull the trigger and clench my eyes,
“Nice to see you back so soon my son.”