I have never felt this defeated before,
As the will to live eludes me these days.
Many brick walls have beaten me down,
And demoralized me to just quit trying.
I don’t feel the desire to live anymore,
No drugs in the world can keep me sane,
The only true resting place is the ground,
However I’m still nowhere close to dying.
I have never felt this pathetic until now,
My days and my nights all bleed into one,
Creating this giant smear of nothingness,
To show off how little I’ve accomplished.
If it’s just life then I’d rather go without,
I do not want the same existence as scum,
Constantly circling the drain yet worthless,
Where only a select few know I even exist.
I have never felt this worthless until today,
Even those who take pity turn up their nose,
And would not feed me if I were starving,
If it took a minute from their precious life.
Shallow “I’m sorries” are exactly the same,
Bland like mud, sharp as thorns on a rose,
When the truth is they all feel nothing,
But false concern lets them sleep at night.
I have never felt this lonely in all my years,
I want the proverbial carrot on a string,
But what I want is not what I deserve,
And what I deserve must be emptiness.
So many nights trying to hold back tears,
As I come to terms with having nothing,
And questioning what I even wake up for,
If a life of solitude is supposedly a gift.
I have never felt this hopeless before,
Running in place for a quarter century,
With nothing to show for my allotted time,
Except for a pile of regrets and sorrow.
Don’t care what the future has in store,
Life has already gotten the best of me,
I’ll keep fucking up until the day I die,
And praying that day will be tomorrow.