Hello, I am currently having an identity crisis,
No, not one that would typically come to mind.
You see, I have this problem I cannot explain,
I know it won’t really make much sense at all.
So here’s the situation, I feel like this life is,
Fucked up with no direction, and here is why:
I think you and I are each dangerously insane,
All I want to do is figure out who is at fault.
I’m sick of fixing shit I’ve already repaired,
For the five thousandth time just this week.
Sick of watching you ruin all of these things,
Just to give me any reason to be around you.
Everything is all about your personal welfare,
And you couldn’t give the first shit about me.
Some days I pray you are actually listening,
But I know you couldn’t bear hearing the truth.
You know which screws to turn and how tight,
Until you can bring me to my knees yet again.
I am ashamed and embarrassed when I give in,
But this is a game of wits and I’ll always lose.
I always destruct myself every time we fight,
Understanding you is like swimming the ocean,
I’d be dead even if I did find a way to win,
Because we can disagree until my face is blue.
God I fucking hate it whenever you say to me,
“Yeah, I know how you feel.”  Really, do you?
Just for one fucking day why don’t we trade,
And then maybe one day you’ll finally realize,
Everything is twice as fucked up as it seems,
Since you seem to be either dumb or confused,
With that completely blank stare on your face,
And I’m sick of baby steps being huge strides.
I feel you should’ve been sealed and stamped,
With the black and white skull and crossbones,
To forewarn me exactly what I’m in store for.
“Harmful or fatal when inhaled or ingested.”
My stomach ties in a knot and starts to cramp,
I drift away slowly to the ringing of the phone,
Without ever getting through to poison control,
Once again leaving me vulnerable and helpless.
You have acquired everything from me already,
Are you happy now, or is there no such thing?
I have spread myself too thin too many times,
And I feel like it has ruined my true identity.
The face in the mirror is long, long dead to me,
My eyes sick of seeing, my ears sick of hearing.
I never mastered coloring inside of the lines,
So I fucked up drawing who I was meant to be.
How dare I blame you, when I am the inferior?
Even though we have so many of the same traits,
And talking to you is just like talking to myself,
We seem to be a hundred million miles removed.
Wait, who the hell am I even referring to here?
Maybe you and I literally are exactly the same,
And I’m arguing with my reflection in the well.
What if there is actually no such thing as you?
Oh God, can I be this neurotic and paranoid?
I really hope that this sickness isn’t contagious.
I can’t live with myself if I hurt you anymore,
But didn’t I just conclude that you didn’t exist?
Please join me as I attempt to silence this voice,
Running rampantly through these scattered pages,
Of college-ruled paper scattered over the floor,
Inside of my brain, for you are my true nemesis.