Shattering like glass,
It all falls apart so fast,
There’s no time to grab,
All that we once had,
And this initial shock,
Was only in the drop,
Though it has occured,
More then once before.
Now that it’s a memory,
We are left to sweep,
The pieces of our past,
And dump it in the trash,
Right where it belongs,
Next to all of the songs,
About a perfect scheme,
And our broken dreams,
Of spending an eternity,
With you beside of me.
No guilt and no regret,
That is, at least not yet,
For the same mistake,
I always fucking make,
As if no one else does,
The same thing to love,
Even if beyond control,
And saving my own soul,
Along with my identity,
Is my foremost priority,
Because I don’t need,
You to make me complete.

I don’t know this God I kneel to,
When I ask him to pull me through,
Another day of hell in one piece,
While I ask him to fulfill my needs.
I don’t know where my prayers go,
As well as having nothing to show,
For each one sent out on the verge,
Of suicide due to a lack of words.

I don’t know the girl I call my own,
Even being with her I’m still alone.
She’s so transparent and so frail,
Every attempt of loving her failed.
I don’t know why we even continue,
Other then her subtle “I love you”.
It’s so vain it makes me despondent,
She sends cancer in correspondence.

I don’t know friends I can lean on,
Everytime I start falling they’re gone.
I make them look good and feel sane,
And they only leave me here in pain.
I don’t know their names anymore,
It’s impossible to keep friends for,
Any more then one use at a time until,
All your hopes and dreams get killed.

I don’t know enough to fake a smile,
With all these failures I’ve compiled.
Everyone wants salvation including I,
But not everyone feels an urge to die.
I don’t know how I explain to myself,
This is normal and I don’t need help.
All that I want will forever elude me,
If this is the person I choose to be.

I don’t cut myself, I don’t need,
Sharp objects to make me bleed.
You don’t notice, you don’t see,
Incisions you once made on me.
I’m sick of waiting, out of time,
To repair your life, salvage mine.
I don’t want you, nor your shit,
I don’t fucking love you, get it?
You said I’m so cynical, so cold,
Those words by you are so bold.
You’re a hypocritical, delusional,
Sad, sad excuse of a human soul.
You are best, at being the worst,
Selfish, mindless bitch on earth.
Your heart, your small brain lies,
In between your legs and thighs.
I don’t pity, I don’t give a fuck,
About your issues, and your luck,
When your pants are on the floor,
Twice as often as they are worn.
There is no desire, no urge at all,
To be another picture on the wall,
Of your fame, of my degradation,
As just another sexual sensation.
I can’t help, I have no desire to,
Fix any of these problems for you.
I bleed to death each day as it is,
You will not take me with one kiss.
I suffered, learned from mistakes,
You won’t be why my heart breaks.
Some never accept, some never try,
To figure out how, figure out why,
Life is so bad, it should be so easy,
And all of the blame is aimed at me.
I don’t love you, and I never will,
When you see that you might heal.

Fighting all alone, and losing,
Both the battle and the war.
No need, no point in choosing,
To keep morale up anymore.
Letters to home never make it,
We’re dead until further notice.
A loving wife and my only kid,
Did nothing wrong to merit this.
The outcome is predetermined,
Everyone knows except for I.
A stench of flesh in the wind,
Just makes us all want to die.
We have no idea the duration,
Of the war, even anyone’s fate,
If it weren’t for our own nation,
We’d work real jobs everyday.
I never dreamt, I never asked,
For this torture, for this abuse.
None want to be up to the task,
Of spending months in recluse.
A boiling sun pounds down and,
I’m deprived of sleep and food.
My life is withering in the sand,
Death and misery fit my mood.
All was abandoned long ago,
To fight for a secret meaning.
A motive, a plot we don’t know,
Other then stereotype cleaning.
Annihilate all in a line of sight,
That fit your terrorist profile.
But why do they call a fight,
Slaying a mother and a child?
This isn’t a duty, this is hell,
Being occupied so the weak,
Who can’t defend themselves,
Don’t accept another defeat.
The mission here is to survive,
Tomorrow seems so far away.
All we have keeping us alive,
Is torn pictures of the family.
Gunshots sing a bedtime story,
On nights we actually get rest.
This is not the kind of glory,
Deserved by America’s best.

Wasting away faster than a senior,
Feeding pigeons on his park bench,
Watching life and clouds pass by,
Regretting everything he never did.
Wondering if his saintly demeanor,
Is the only reason that he’s meant,
To wake up wishing he would die,
In hopes of someday being missed.
Wasting away faster than our Christ,
Hanging from the cross in treachery,
Gazing at the sinners that mock him,
Regretting letting them in his heart.
Wondering what it was that enticed,
Every soul that he loves to decieve,
Without any regard to murder or sin,
And no conscience tearing them apart.
Wasting away faster than the model,
Twenty-one long years past her prime,
In search of the beauty she once had,
Regretting living one minute past fifty.
Wondering why love comes in a bottle,
Because the others forgot her in time.
Being around others is why she’s sad,
Since none in a room find her pretty.
Wasting away like an athlete too old,
And feeble to get out of a wheelchair,
That he can’t leave until he’s buried,
Regretting giving up health for money.
Wondering if memorabilia once sold,
Will pay for him to get some fresh air,
Without calling someone to be carried,
To an outside he won’t ever again see.
Wasting away like an inmate in prison,
Serving two consecutive life sentences,
For the crimes that he never commited,
Regretting ever being in this bad place.
Wondering if anyone at all misses him,
Or if these hard years of repentance,
Will one day soon get him acquitted,
Before he lays his own life to waste.
Wasting away like them all on my own,
Failure is the normal routine anymore,
Everyday is a carbon copy of a prior,
Wondering if there is an easy escape.
Regretting having nothing I can show,
For these countless years of effort,
That have left me so weak and tired,
To accomplish our prearranged fate.

I think you’d be proud of me,
If you could see how much,
I’ve changed in a good way,
Since you have been gone.
I’ve matured a little it seems,
Without growing up and such,
I still remember you everyday,
Though I’m still moving along.
I try not to have the vices,
That became your atrophy,
All while adoring the legacy,
That you forever left behind.
I am still far from the nicest,
Person that you’d ever meet,
But that’s why you loved me,
And why I miss your shine.
I still live in regret for not,
Being able to help you more,
To find a way to save you,
Even though beyond my realm.
I know you found the God,
That you had tried to adore,
The God that gets me through,
From high above in his helm.
The past three years alone,
Renewed my lack of a faith,
I imagine you feel the same,
Since you found immortality.
You’re no longer on your own,
I just hope that you can wait,
And save me a spot someday,
When I find my own destiny.
We always both had doubts,
Until the day you left home,
And you would never return,
To console me one last time.
I’d definitely be lost without,
The simple fact that I know,
You recieve what you earn,
And you are in an elite line.
I promise to love you forever,
I hope that you can hear this,
When I remind you yet again,
That I will never let you go.
I hope that this love letter,
With my prayers and wishes,
Make it all the way to heaven,
So that you will always know,
One day I will see you there.

I often wonder why you bother,
Searching endlessly for lucidity,
In a puzzle seemingly unsolvable,
Somewhere amongst your stupidity,
Barely deeper than your opinion,
This is destroying your small mind,
Trying to decipher the pieces in,
Your life, even one day at a time.
A key to happiness was misplaced,
Long ago while running this path,
Of endless circles being traced,
In my head, figuring out the math,
That doesn’t add up to the whole,
Or even to the same problem that,
I know that I was originally told,
When you pushed on me this sad,
Situation you like to call a life.
Inheriting a psychos’ nightmare,
Not even the atmosphere is right,
For this crazy man to even dare,
To straighten out a fucking mess,
That I know is better untouched,
So only one of us lives in distress,
And your blood lines all the cuts,
That a saint wouldn’t want to heal,
Even if he holds the divine power,
To make your existance seem real,
Or to make you less of a coward.
Not a God in the world has made,
You that person you needed to be,
To see tomorrow, muchless today,
Or even another moment with me.

The person inside me is dead,
And tired of pointing fingers,
Looking for words once said,
Showing why contempt lingers.
A body still roams without aim,
The masses often wonder how,
One life can be wasted in vain,
Even my God won’t save me now.
Living one heartfelt apology,
Which never seems sufficient,
So hopefully one day I can be,
More then an inferior decision.
Everyday is a slow euthanasia,
A needle never penetrates less,
I am little more then a wager,
Between desolation and death.
The sun hides behind clouds,
Inside this world of my own,
Covered in shadows of doubt,
Perpetually leaving me alone.
I am just a single individual,
Judged and sentenced apart,
Not any part of the residual,
Of the lineage without a heart.
What’s left of me is beautiful,
No matter if one never notices,
It has nothing to do with visual,
Leaving me simply meaningless.
I find inner strength in prose,
So I can walk down the street,
With all of these scars I know,
Those passing by must critique.
I believe that nothing is real,
Except what is within myself,
I am too debilitated to feel,
All of the life I still have left.
The person inside me is dead,
And is never going to return,
No matter the words I’ve said,
There is still no need to mourn.
Nothing will help me to escape,
All I never wanted to witness,
In an existance full of hate,
Except for your forgiveness.

Everytime I speak,
Every lie you keep,
My fantasy is gone,
I’m still holding on,
But my simple mind,
Must’ve gone blind,
Why can I not see?
I’m fucking the enemy.
The pictures depress,
Love letters regress,
Whispers are screams,
Manifesting my dreams,
The violence is sincere,
Unlike all of the tears.
Everyone did warn me,
I’m fucking the enemy.
Narcotics only decide,
If we want to be alive,
They do more for you,
Then I ever seemed to.
Your own dependancy,
Is all you really need.
Loving you isn’t free,
I’m fucking the enemy.
A song isn’t sad enough,
To describe your love.
Your heart can’t bleed,
If you cannot possibly,
See what you’ve done,
Towards the only one,
Stupid enough to be,
Fucking the enemy.

Buried alone somewhere beneath,
Six feet of reality as I breathe,
The dirt was poured over and I,
Only do it to myself every time.
I inhale, just killing myself again,
Forcing myself to comprehend,
That I am a nothing in the eye,
To the one for whom I would die.
Each passing hour is only the same,
I can’t take the hurt one more day.
All these words that I hate saying,
Are fucking tired and overrated.
Meanings were lost in translation,
To you, my own worst creation.
There is no need to reiterate how,
I feel having you in my life now.
You’re the tourniquet and wound,
I will die if I let you go too soon,
I’m also infected beyond salvation,
Can I let go of your temptation?
With any of your doings or help,
You’ll kill me before I kill myself.
I’m not heartbroken, just in pain,
The difference I cannot explain.
I just know my heart would never,
Break over any less than treasure.
Running away is the easy escape,
The most logical choice I can make.
I’m tired of doing this to myself,
But only the feeble ask for help.
All of the pressure has crushed,
The love and turned it into lust.
I do not want anymore of this,
Suicidal-attraction-for-you shit.
The only downers I need come,
In bottles I dispose when done.
Until I’m able to throw you away,
I won’t kill myself for you today.