I like to crumble your paper flowers,
And turn them into a grave of ashes,
I love turning your sweet moods sour,
So I can have your heart and smash it,
Like you’ve done to me plenty before.
I enjoy you waking up wanting to die,
Feeling like a trashy, pathetic whore,
Because it’s so pretty to see you cry.
I want to destroy the person you are,
More than you already have yourself,
If I could really wish upon the stars,
I’d wish that you were going to hell.
I want to remove your tongue so that,
You may never speak of a God again,
Or continue using him as your mask,
To cover up all of your shortcomings.
I like to trample over your emotions,
And leave nothing past your beauty,
I want you to suffer for your sins,
Although you’re already dead to me.
I like making you scream for mercy,
When nobody’s there to rescue you,
I like burning your corpse in effigy,
So that you can be of some good use.
Throw away all of your little notes,
About how special you really aren’t,
And put on some god damned clothes,
Shutup and lay in the trunk of the car.
Unfold each of your paper flowers,
And write all of your insults in them,
And I will do everything in my power,
To destroy them for you once again,
The same way you’ve done to my trust.
I will do anything to keep you alive,
Not that I love you, but just because,
It’s that beautiful watching you cry.

I don’t know what else to tell you,
It’s not going to be alright again.
I’ve ran out of kind words to say,
To make you feel better in vain.
I wish you could accept the truth,
You’re not the same girl I pretend,
That made the bad things go away,
And found a way to keep me sane.
There is blood on your fingertips,
And I cannot clean them anymore,
The damage done many times over,
I can’t make it disappear magically.
Blasphemy is glossed on your lips,
And I have never been this sure,
Of all my reasons for going sober,
When I gave you up cold turkey.
Your skeltons haunt me every time,
That I hear your tempting voice,
Reminding me exactly why I left,
While begging for another chance.
I have considered one final try,
And I am sticking to this choice,
My life is already full of regret,
Even if I desire one last dance.
You look beautiful, so innocent,
Like you never have been before,
I don’t know how I should react,
Or if I should even care at all.
You never showed such brilliance,
Which makes me entirely unsure,
If you changed for me, or an act,
Hoping that you could see me fall.
I put more hope in you than Christ,
But your punishment feels worse,
Since he never got into my heart,
And made me force him out of it.
Love for you comes at high price,
A price that I will never afford,
But you dear, may have one part,
Of me, that I buried deep inside.

Such a fucking waste,
To every pretty face.
I wish I could change,
But it is far too late,
And I don’t have time,
To change your mind.
I am bitter and cold,
I hate this even more,
When you won’t see,
You’re why I’m angry.
I hurt myself the most,
When nobody knows,
And I cannot defend,
That I too am human.
I cannot keep pushing,
Myself all for nothing,
After a while I realize,
My life is one giant lie,
And these problems are,
All my own damn fault.
Instead of reconcile,
I just want to smile,
Like everybody else,
But I am stuck in hell,
So it takes a bit more,
Happiness than before,
To wake up thankful,
For being stuck in a lull.
Material things do not,
Help make the pain stop,
I am nothing like you,
I can’t hide the truth,
Inside of bought goods,
As you always would,
And then ask me why,
Everything isn’t alright.
A million tiny problems,
Forcing me into oblivion,
You won’t be satisfied,
Until after I have died,
And I hate having to say,
I really like it that way.

Everytime that I bleed, I pray,
To this fucking God of mine,
Make this the last time I feel,
This suffering of your wrath.
God damn you, you like to play,
With me, but won’t let me die,
I once doubted you were real,
But only you’d do this and laugh.
Make this the last time I hurt,
I don’t want to recover again,
Put an end to all of the misery,
And kill me now you coward.
I’m not even myself anymore,
I am eagerly awaiting the end,
Only you can make hell seem,
Desirable with almighty power.
I’ve emptied my heart to you,
So you can fill it up with hate,
It’s a fucked up game you play,
And I must be your favorite.
You know how to bend the truth,
And my neck until I suffocate,
Just enough to make me stay,
And feed me more of your shit.
End my misery you sadistic fuck,
I’ve begged you to for years,
I really hope this isn’t the way,
You treat all that you create.
I’ll live forever with my luck,
Since you enjoy tasting tears,
And you bask in all of my pain.
Respecting you was a mistake,
I have become unholy for you,
In hopes you’ll smite me faster,
And move on to another weak,
Helpless soul, even more pure.
What else is left for me to do,
To no longer be your bastard,
That was assured that the meek,
Would one day inherit the earth?

Eighty rooms on this hallway,
All of them are empty behind,
The doors I was once assured,
Would never be closed to me.
The end of the hall is grey,
And the clock’s frozen in time,
I haven’t heard a single word,
From anyone on this journey.
The cameras watch every move,
Every single step that I take,
And I have no idea if anyone,
On the other side even cares.
There are eyes on the roof,
Anticipating my great escape,
Waiting for me to make a run,
To shoot me down if I dared.
Every window is locked shut,
Oxygen is starting to run low,
Even I’ve lost hope in myself,
Being alive has become a drag.
I can only think I am fucked,
I cannot do this shit anymore,
The only way out of this hell,
Is going to be in a bodybag.
Such a miserable conclusion,
To such a bittersweet life,
I could see all of the faces,
As they watched me suffer.
Somewhere in my delusion,
I thought these faces might,
Be friends to embrace me,
Not demons to pull me under.
Years of assurance what for?
To be disappointed yet again,
The same story as the last,
Played out in a different day.
I guess I’m really not worth,
Being in your life as a friend,
When these years have passed,
You won’t even know my name.

Words of conviction fall from your mouth,
As if you don’t know how painful they are.
It’s hard enough trying to survive without,
Being shit on while you act like the martyr.
No drug in the world can replace the time,
I held your hand and you promised me that,
You’re different and will forever be mine.
It’s heart-breaking how long promises last.
I gave you everything,
For nothing back in return,
I am now forgetting,
Everything in my world.
I’m walking to the sun,
And blinding my memory,
This is the end, I’m done,
And all that I want to see,
When I do turn around,
Is the shadow of myself,
Only it won’t let me down,
Or leave me alone in hell.
I am an accident that’s waiting to happen,
And nobody else wants to get caught in it,
Somewhere this God of mine is laughing,
All I can do right now is agree with him.
Enough self-pity and loathing eventually,
Turns into suicide, but today is a day that,
It isn’t even worth the hassle or mess to me.
Everyone finds this funny, I find this sad.
Today should be the day,
That I kiss this all goodbye,
Tomorrow will be the same,
Leaving me to wonder why,
I don’t get it all over with,
And make it easier for you,
To go to sleep at night since,
I’m at peace with the truth,
And I understand clearly,
There’s no room for me here,
Although I love you dearly,
It’s best that the end is near.

Wind passes through the streets,
City lights make it bright as day,
There isn’t a soul to be found,
Beneath any of these spotlights.
The abandoned mansion creaks,
In the wind, just the same way,
As it did before it was rundown,
Twenty-three years ago tonight.
The animals have ran for cover,
Not even roaches roam anymore.
Their remains are decaying, yet,
Remain untouched by the flies.
Light rain and a dark fog hover,
On a reality of a perfect world.
Everything’s beautiful at sunset,
When nobody will see the sunrise.
Doors are open without concern,
Like they were sixty years ago,
The crime rate is less than none,
This was the idea behind peace.
Remnants of the cities still burn,
Until they are covered in snow,
And later revealed by the sun,
To dry out for countless weeks.
Bodies can still be found inside,
Bowing to their homemade altars,
Praying to God for forgiveness,
And that this isn’t what it seems.
Blood and tears pool from eyes,
Where reason and logic faltered,
Since they tend to forget this is,
What they envisioned in a dream.
The towns could be on postcards,
And the desert canvas is erased.
Lavish possessions discolor until,
They become a part of the earth.
There’s a clear view of the stars,
And whatever lies in outer space,
Only trees still stand on the hill,
And it’s more beautiful than birth.
The ocean is quiet, the tide is low,
Skeletons awash onto the shore,
Until the sand blows over the top,
And closes the book that we wrote.
Only nature calls this place home,
But no one will complain anymore.
When all life forms come to a stop,
Your dreams will merit some hope.

Warm water splashed on my face,
To melt some of the ice in my veins,
It’s just another one of those days,
And you are only the fucking bane,
Of my miserable, pitiful existance.
All of these days I curse at myself,
For being so ignorant, so persistant,
And no drug in the world will help,
Because I’m telling myself right now,
It’d hurt me less if I never met you.
Caring for you is like living without,
Eyes, ears, or desire to find truth.
My body aches and I cannot walk,
Yet it’s the last thing on my mind,
I wait every night to hear you talk,
You only disappoint me every time.
I wish I never once said your name,
Or put it in a sentence with my own,
The thoughts just need to go away,
Right now I’d rather just die alone.
It’s hard to believe in you when I,
Will not believe in myself anymore.
Everyday without you I have tried,
To renew my faith and search for,
Some kind of meaning, even a sign,
To justify pushing on until the end.
Hollowness is in everything I find.
If I look deep inside of you again,
You are only going to let me down,
Make me believe you are worthless.
If I can forget you, show me how,
To make me believe you never lived.

I’ve hit rock bottom so many times,
The only place left for me to go,
Will be six feet into the ground.
My smile is an elaborate design,
Built around lying to those I know,
So they won’t follow me down.
I find hope in the worst places,
Just to justify things being okay,
When I’m ready to hang myself.
I see only tragedy in new faces,
They all seem to treat me the same,
I wonder if I’m already in hell.
I know what I’m doing is wrong,
Every single thing I do really is,
A problem in someone else’s eyes.
My nose is where it doesn’t belong,
It’s my only reason to even live,
Since I’m the only one on my side.
All of my idols are long, long gone,
My habits won’t kill me fast enough,
And cash truly does buy happiness.
My soul has already been pawned,
And sold for meaningless stuff,
All of which are like me, useless.
I want this to all get over with,
Quickly and painlessly almost like,
Waking up from a dream in a movie.
I want to amount to more than this,
I’m tired of always losing the fight,
And sick of being only a nobody.
I do not feel like a human being,
I feel too meaningless and hollow,
Living is no fun when you’re dead.
I always have this same feeling,
And it never hits me until tomorrow.
I should have just stayed in bed.

This life of mine downplayed,
Into meaningless conversation,
As if we were chatting about,
The sun or the fucking weather.
You talk to me like I am insane,
Needing seclusion like a patient,
Who’ll off myself if I get out,
Because things won’t be better.
You talk about happiness as if,
It can be bought from a vendor,
Peddling used shit on the street,
That will make me a great deal.
Movie-like endings do not exist,
Love notes are ‘Return To Sender’,
My life is about accepting defeat,
And nothing else is close to real.
Everything I need I should find,
In myself if I’m self-sufficient,
But no one really is, and no one,
Knows how to define happiness.
I know that I’m wasting my time,
Since I’m basically non-existant,
In the biggest picture, the sum,
Of the miserable and worthless.
My strengths are my weaknesses,
And you know how to control it,
Just like a fucking loaded pistol,
Needing any excuse to shoot.
Which isn’t any good for me if,
Lack of strength is my weakness,
All the pressure makes me fold,
And I want to die far from you.
I won’t be treated like a child,
Forced to believe all that I need,
To find happiness and solace,
Is everything deep inside of me.
I’ve dug for a long, long while,
And I’ve always came up empty.
Working hard is no condolence,
For everything I will never be.