Cold stare of the devil,
And I’m so defenseless,
With the mind of a rebel,
No way I can survive this.
All that I’ve ever wanted,
Is no more than a memory,
I will be forever haunted,
This she says is my destiny.
Please help me I’m helpless,
There ain’t no need to cry,
A wreck for the wreckless,
It’s never too young to die.
Cold blade grazes my neck,
Before I can even react,
Such an untimely death,
At the hands of a maniac.
My last words blurt out,
As I collapse to the floor,
There are no black clouds,
Here to follow me anymore.
Pick me up, piece me up,
Toss me in a wooden box,
Clean the blood and guts,
Ask yourself what you lost.
I’m nothing to you I know,
You never cared before,
We all reap what we sow,
And I knew I was a moor.
Bury me alone as I belong,
Where I can be trusted,
Forget me when I’m gone,
In your self-destruction.
I can’t feel, don’t want to,
Be reminded of the pain,
I can’t see, thanks to you,
How I suffered in shame.
Cold stare of the devil,
I have finally come home,
Life lines now all severed,
The only place I had to go.
All that I ever wanted,
Was just a fighting chance,
Nothing is more daunting,
Then losing at your hands.

Walking down a narrow road,
Fresh air with a hint of cold,
Lost my direction miles ago,
I’ve lost it all, or so I’m told,
Although you’re here for me,
Just like you always promised,
To admonish me of my misery,
And later beg my forgiveness.
Oncoming traffic avoiding me,
Pretending that I don’t exist,
Much like everyone else lately.
Gone to you like a cold air kiss,
Sent across the frozen pond,
I hope you eventually fall into.
On that day, when you’re gone,
I’ll try hard to remember you.
The wind blows, I try to hide,
Haven’t seen home in so long,
Maybe I’m too wicked to die,
But I’m always proven wrong.
It whispers to me like a hint,
So this one time I am all ears,
It says something reminiscent,
Of all these miserable years.
Eyes over my shoulder staring,
Waiting for one last mistake,
I can easily feel their glaring,
Keeping tabs on me for days,
Because they are well aware,
I always fuck up a few times,
And I’m way too numb to care,
If this is the last hill I climb.
Trudging on without any light,
Haven’t seen snow in years,
Miss the feel, miss the sight,
Don’t miss digging out of here.
Feeling the edge of the trees,
So I don’t step out of bounds,
Looking for a friend in misery,
Before I’m left to the hounds.
No escape from the cold here,
Lips are too chapped to tremble,
And my eyes are frozen tears.
I am human organs assembled,
Into one giant fucking mess.
I’m hungry, well beyond fear,
I’ve suffered for much less,
But I’m left for dead out here.
Resources are of top priority,
My knapsack is full of dreams,
That have been picked clean,
To match my hollow screams.
Limbs are going numb again,
My blood boils as it sits still,
If this isn’t the way it ends,
I don’t think that it ever will.
Finding myself at every mile,
Retracing my own footsteps,
No one to see this last smile,
No one to witness my death.
I cannot feel, but I am free,
What do I have left to give?
Lungs and wallet both empty,
Oh, such little reason to live.

Sweet dreams every night,
My alternative to suicide,
Because I pray for an end,
And for once you to listen.
You cruel, merciless fuck,
Stop my heart with any luck,
Silently, painlessly, quickly,
For once hide your apathy.
Fix this mistake I’ve made,
And endured for a decade.
Sweet dreams every night,
Make the timing just right,
Recreate my happy place,
So you can take it all away.
Irony is cruel, so are you,
As I try to make it through,
Another inevitable letdown,
Lying here on the ground,
I deserve the dirt and shit,
That I have eaten to live.
Sweet dreams every night,
The killer wields his knife,
Giving me that fatal stare,
I smell his fear in the air,
And come to the realization,
He doesn’t want retaliation,
Just me to pay for my sins.
I consider this retribution,
For crimes I can’t commit,
After I have ceased to live.
Sweet dreams every night,
I’ve finally seen the light,
The harvester of the old,
Has come to take my soul.
With a slow gentle touch.
The purest form of love,
That I will ever witness,
Is in the dark angels’ kiss,
For the first time I feel,
Like everything is surreal.
Sweet dreams every night,
Out of mind, out of sight,
Right where I need to be,
Convicted but not guilty,
Exactly how I envisioned.
Dissected with precision,
Empty heart, blank mind,
My body will decay in time,
Like my friendships have,
Just leave me in the past.
Sweet dreams every night,
Consumed from the inside,
Picking me apart carefully,
As you’ve done to me daily.
Ripping my heart to shreds,
With every word once said,
As if I am still wide awake,
And I can no longer escape,
The four walls and no doors,
I have been stuck in before.
Soul searching every night,
For my ticket to a new life.

I’m trying to seclude myself,
Dilute myself, erase myself,
You know that I’m not well,
Who would you be to help?
Counting down days until,
You forget I ever existed.
I cannot swallow the pills,
If I cannot swallow this,
Complete absence of dignity,
And my total loss of hope.
My heart has failed on me,
And I’m too numb to know,
Whether you actually care,
Or if you just fake it too.
I look to the sky and stare,
As if it is hiding the truth,
Just like you are right now,
Because you are too weak,
And way too fucking proud,
To even show any sympathy.
In my shell as self-defense,
I only like to fight myself,
The pain might be immense,
Only if I still live to tell.
Self-destruct, hibernate,
Wake up and do it again,
Clench my throat, recreate,
The fine art of suffering.
Lend a hand, help me fall,
Watch me hit rock bottom,
Remind me it’s all my fault,
And I’ll be soon forgotten.
Hear the clock laugh out loud,
See my eyes fill with tears,
Tell me time is running out,
Must get my mind out of here.
Shotgun shells on the floor,
Fix the mistakes I have made,
Can’t live with this anymore,
The Lord gave for me to take.
It is a hollow point therapy,
Even after I reached out,
You were too blind to see,
When I needed you around,
You’re too busy acting cool,
To care about anyone else.
Forever I rest in this pool,
Of the remnants of myself,
And nobody will recognize,
All that I had to withstand,
As quickly as they realize,
No blood is on their hands.

Two hundred miles per hour,
Can’t love me, can’t catch me,
You go from sweet to sour,
To see how fast I can leave.
Over the limit, can’t stop now,
Lights flashing in my head,
Cannot seem to live without,
Feeling like a man possesed.
I’m just a no good asshole,
A worthless piece of shit,
Completely numb anymore,
And too cocky just to quit.
Head on, eyes shut, brick wall,
Seems like this was my fate,
I mute your voice each call,
I can fuck up my own day.
A scumbag mother fucker,
With no feeling of remorse,
Maybe I am just a sucker,
For making your life worse.
Crawl away from the crash,
With my usual broken bones,
Only my dignity left intact,
So leave it the fuck alone.
Seatbelts are for believers,
Live or die, I’m going to hell.
Apologies are for cheaters,
I’m not sorry, I’m not well.
Why attempt to elude death.
If I have no reason to live?
How much more can be left,
If merely waking up is a gift?
Slipping from consciousness,
As quickly as I lost my faith,
Catastrophic blood loss bliss,
A dollar short, a lifetime late.
Wake me up, watch the agony,
Numb the pain with narcotics,
How else can you torture me,
How the fuck could I resist?
Take it all away, leave me be,
Let me shut my eyes for good,
I am my own biggest enemy,
Leave me to suffer as I should.
Bring me back to full health,
Eight lives left, or so I’m told,
Can’t fold the hand I’m dealt,
Just don’t need this anymore.

Wait and see,
Pace and bleed,
Wrinkle and peel,
Only death heals.
Live and learn,
Crash and burn,
Weapon of choice?
Your own voice.
Another promise,
Shoot and miss,
Tote your cross,
My faith was lost.
Your backup plan,
I must be your man.
Wait and see,
You’ll forget me,
Just like the rest,
Wish I were dead.
A second chance,
To tie my hands,
To lock me away.
Feed me to snakes.
Only friend is me,
Pen my own effigy,
Say what I wish,
No one reads this,
If you only knew.
Fuck all of you.
Wait and see,
I don’t need,
Anyone at all,
To keep me calm,
If I have habits,
They will suffice.
A new addiction,
Fact or fiction,
I can’t even tell,
It’s cloudy in hell,
I’m too high to see,
Too dead to breathe,
Too numb to feel,
Too evil to kneel.
Wait and see,
I won’t scream,
From the torture,
No, not anymore,
I can accept it,
I need it to live.
It’s now a routine,
You mindfuck me,
Leave me to die,
Then give new life.
A piece of hope,
On which I’ll choke,
Until I turn blue,
And I forget you.
Wait and see,
I am incomplete,
It will never change,
Even the next page,
Is empty and torn,
Don’t read anymore,
It hurts most when,
You grab the pen,
And take control,
Crossing out my soul.
Leave me, let me go,
Moods are for show,
And I want to hide,
Leave me to die,
You’ve done it before,
What’s once more?
Wait and see,
What you’ve done to me.

Blue eyes, black sky,
Satan is in disguise,
And has come for me,
She loves my misery.
A liar and a whore,
Not shocking anymore.
What should I expect,
I deserve what I get.
She’s stolen before,
With a clean record,
She is doing it to me,
This time not so lucky.
Fuck the heartbreak,
Nothing sacred is safe,
I’ve gone too far now,
To regret or look down.
Long nails, short fuse,
Everything left to lose.
She has looks that kill,
And a mind that will,
With a heart of gold,
Compared to her soul.
She’s sucking me dry,
Ten dollars at a time,
I am withering away,
This will never change.
I am asking to forget,
That we have ever met,
I’m leaving you tonight,
Without any goodbyes.
Sneaking out the door,
Can’t do this anymore.
Coasting to the road,
Taking off very slow,
So you can sleep tight,
I won’t kill you tonight.
Sex stains in the bed,
Are all you’ll have left.
All of this frustration,
Over one infatuation,
And I’m fucking done,
No love left for anyone.
A bullet into my head,
Each night before bed,
Oh, how I wish it were,
Not mine but all yours.
I will never be enough,
To overcome this love,
I dream of homicides,
And the perfect alibis,
I think it aids my sleep,
Overcoming my defeat.
Dammit I will not break,
As long I have to wait,
Not for somebody else,
But to see you rot in hell.
When you’re fast asleep,
Tonight, I’ll be history,
I’ll be six states gone,
By your morning alarm.
And your pictures of me,
Will be your last memory.

Dark streets, bedroom windows black,
A haunting feeling that feels too familiar,
Fingers amongst fog crawl down my back,
Oh I’ve definitely felt like this before.
Asphalt burns like lava on weary soles,
Knives tear at my spine to match my ego,
I’ve ran out of time to fill these holes,
Wherever the wind takes me, I follow.
This ice cold chill on a warm, humid night,
Makes my knees buckle, my jaws tremble.
I am alone, almost in hell, feels just right,
The finest deathbed I’ve ever assembled.
Days wind down in hours, only a few left,
Two weeks left to live and I’m not scared.
Too many horrid memories to ever forget,
Dying days leave no time to erase or repair.
Decomposition has begun, can’t stop now,
I’m a target walking through a war zone,
My mortality is the only way to get out,
Walking in the dark until I call this home.
A bed of leaves suits me better than dirt,
It is time to shut my eyes albeit not tired.
A mist scatters my remains into the earth,
An outline of burnt ashes without a fire.
Just forget me like the dark already has.
Please help make these two weeks go by.
Don’t pretend to love me only when I pass.
If alone is how I live, alone is how I die.

I’ve come here to disappoint you again,
Just to let you down, just to fuck up.
I’m still looking for another purpose,
But just like always, I’m wasting my time.
I won’t say sorry for what I’ve done,
So please cut the shackles from my feet.
We will not ever see eye to eye again,
But at least take the blindfold off of me.
Not a day passes by without the torment,
Of you pouring acid into these fresh cuts.
I clench my weakened hands into fists,
To hide these scars from being crucified.
I keep waging battles I have already won,
To be left here bloody, a victim of defeat.
The cell bars are cold and not easily bent,
So it is just best I stop chasing my dream.
I am pulling my hair and biting my nails,
Trying to remember what it’s like to feel.
To feel what emotion? I don’t even know.
Anger, jealousy, hatred, lust, love, agony,
They all seem to hurt exactly the same.
I feel a million knives through my spine,
Reminding me that I am no good for you.
But if not you, who would I be worthy of?
With all I had in my power I have failed,
And all the time in the world cannot heal,
The shitty feeling of unrequited sorrow,
As if you never even gave yourself to me.
If only you knew the feeling of this pain,
Oh, to crush your heart, as you did mine,
There isn’t a thing I wouldn’t give or do,
To see you in tatters over a lie called love.
I am drowning in a shallow pool of guilt,
Right here with all of my apprehensions.
I feel inferior to the outcasts of society,
I am too insulted to even lift up my chin.
I see the joke I have been portrayed as,
And only I must look myself in the face.
I’m on a leash just long enough to roam,
Before I choke myself into submission.
I cannot wash away this permanent filth,
Every time that your name is mentioned,
I cannot even spare my fucking dignity,
Without stripping down beyond my skin.
I miss you more as the days slowly pass,
My emotions have entirely gone to waste.
Of course I’m left to commiserate alone,
Since I always stick myself in this position.

There’s violence and evil in your eyes,
And I will always fall victim to them.
Seventy million little fibs and stories,
Manufactured to make you operate.
There is a cold-hearted devil inside,
And he’s become my new best friend.
Mail mom a letter urging not to worry,
Things will never get better anyway.
Kind words meant to string me along,
Just so you can whip me over and over,
Until I wake up just to expect as much,
And I grow accustomed to this routine.
Treat me as an inmate doing no wrong,
This meager lifestyle keeps me sober,
As it makes me terrified to the touch,
Until you have had your way with me.
Fear not my love, you are not to blame.
Each of us are merely unwilling victims,
Slaves to a higher power we know not,
Pawns in the battle that can’t be won.
Together we are going down in flames.
But I will never be ashamed of my sins,
Besides you, they are all that I’ve got,
Until you quit, as the others have done.
I live one giant metaphor with no moral,
Part of why they’ve all abandoned me.
The grass will never get any greener,
At least not on this side of the fence.
I am still only a filthy fucking whore,
Trying to make this useless God happy,
Since I’m badly lacking the demeanor,
Tact, or heart I need to keep friends.
I have given a piece of myself to many,
With nothing to show for my efforts.
Yet I cannot bring myself to stopping,
I have grown too accustomed to abuse.
I am at wit’s end, and on my last penny,
But here I am, just anticipating more,
Social degradation to which I’ll cling,
Because I have nothing else left to lose.
Everything I have ever wanted is gone,
Out of reach, or going to leave me soon.
Feelings are just an ugly form of pain,
And I am the opposite of a masochist.
If you’re still here with me, hold on,
The only thing I might have left is you.
Dreams and fear might keep me sane,
But in reality I still long for happiness.